This years lease signing.

This week I celebrated my Eleventh wedding anniversary! (yay!) But if truth be told, I don’t put much stock in marriage. Sounds terrible, right? But let me explain: My parents divorced when I was 12. My Grandparents divorced…both my Aunts divorced….my sister divorced. (3 times!) So the idea of marriage….the stereotypical idea of marriage, just isn’t for me. When my husband proposed I happily said, “Yes! But I won’t promise you forever.” So we decided on a marriage ‘lease’. Every year we re-evaluate who we are, what kind of marriage we have and we say, “What do ya think? Another year?” Romantic? Maybe not. Realistic? Yes, I think so.
To promise someone “forever” is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I have no idea who I will be, or who my spouse will be, in 5 years let alone 20…30. Why would I let some preconceived notion of happily ever after, dictate if I stay in a marriage that is no longer healthy? I married when I was 31. My husband and I have been lucky enough to have grown in the same direction. We share the same interests, have the same goals. We are both very physically active. We like to eat healthy and don’t like to drink much. We have similar beliefs. All of these things help keep us together. But what if you’re not so lucky? What if, over the years, you’ve changed? You’ve gotten healthy and your spouse refuses. What if they’ve strayed? What if you’ve strayed? You’re being neglected, or neglecting them? This goes both ways. The marriage lease is a way of keeping us on our toes, stop taking each other for granted. Keep your partner at the top of your list. Not somewhere below 1.wash windows and 2. get kitty litter. We’re all guilty of it. But I think the idea of “forever” exacerbates the problem. So many times people get married and they think ‘that’s it! I’m set for life!’ And they stop trying. They stop trying to impress their spouse….stop courting them. Now, that’s going to happen…of course it is. Trust me, when I’m covered in poop and haven’t slept in 5 days, i’m in no mood to court anyone and I would, in fact, encourage my husband to stay away. BUT, we still have to try, if only in tiny little ways.
I hear celebrities say things like, “divorce is not an option!” All whilst fighting off reports of infidelity or abuse. My motto is “divorce is always an option” so I better make sure that I let my husband know how much I love him. That he is special to me and even after 11 years, I’m still happy to be with him. And hopefully he’ll do the same for me.
Now, i’m certainly not encouraging anyone to jump ship at the first sign of waves. There are always going to be rough patches. We had one that lasted 2 years. It was tough, and there were times I wondered if we’d make it. Did divorce enter my mind? Yes it did, but to be honest, the idea that divorce was a possibility, that I wasn’t ‘stuck’, actually helped me through it. If I know that I don’ t HAVE to stay, it makes it easier TO stay. I have a choice. We always have a choice. So I choose to work hard and work through the rough times. Will it always be that way? I don’t know. So far so good! But I’m just taking it one year at a time.