There goes my heart.

There goes my heart.

Wow, today is a big day. Both my boys are off to away camp. And when I say away, I mean outside Fresno, away….for 2 weeks. Jacksons been doing this for 3 years now, but this is the first time my little Cole Bowl is going. I’m going to sound like a horrible mother here, but I’ve been planning this day for 11 years now. Way back when I had Jackson and I was deep in the ‘oh my god, will I ever get time to myself’ trenches I would fantasize about taking a trip to France with the hubs. That fantasy got me through many long nights, many tantrums (both theirs and mine) and numerous monotonous days. Well tomorrow Doug and I get on a plane bound for Paris. Now that it’s here I’m feeling a little numb. It helps that Cole was SO excited to go that he could barely sleep last night. But I’m just not sure how I feel. I held it together until they left and then had a nice quiet cry on the front doorstep. I love them SO much it hurts, and yet I’m excited to do something that’s just for Doug and I. These contrasting emotions have me reeling. Last night Cole said, “Mom, I’m So excited for tomorrow, but I’m nervous too. I’m NervCited!” It’s a great word. It completely expresses how I feel right not. I’m so nervous to leave my kids and so excited to get away. So yes, I’m NervCited. I’m hoping the excited part will win out. We’ll see. As they say in France, “C’est la vie!”

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