The Marriage Lease

This years lease signing.

This years lease signing.

This week I celebrated my Eleventh wedding anniversary! (yay!) But if truth be told, I don’t put much stock in marriage. Sounds terrible, right? But let me explain: My parents divorced when I was 12. My Grandparents divorced…both my Aunts divorced….my sister divorced. (3 times!) So the idea of marriage….the stereotypical idea of marriage, just isn’t for me. When my husband proposed I happily said, “Yes! But I won’t promise you forever.” So we decided on a marriage ‘lease’. Every year we re-evaluate who we are, what kind of marriage we have and we say, “What do ya think? Another year?” Romantic? Maybe not. Realistic? Yes, I think so.
To promise someone “forever” is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I have no idea who I will be, or who my spouse will be, in 5 years let alone 20…30. Why would I let some preconceived notion of happily ever after, dictate if I stay in a marriage that is no longer healthy? I married when I was 31. My husband and I have been lucky enough to have grown in the same direction. We share the same interests, have the same goals. We are both very physically active. We like to eat healthy and don’t like to drink much. We have similar beliefs. All of these things help keep us together. But what if you’re not so lucky? What if, over the years, you’ve changed? You’ve gotten healthy and your spouse refuses. What if they’ve strayed? What if you’ve strayed? You’re being neglected, or neglecting them? This goes both ways. The marriage lease is a way of keeping us on our toes, stop taking each other for granted. Keep your partner at the top of your list. Not somewhere below 1.wash windows and 2. get kitty litter. We’re all guilty of it. But I think the idea of “forever” exacerbates the problem. So many times people get married and they think ‘that’s it! I’m set for life!’ And they stop trying. They stop trying to impress their spouse….stop courting them. Now, that’s going to happen…of course it is. Trust me, when I’m covered in poop and haven’t slept in 5 days, i’m in no mood to court anyone and I would, in fact, encourage my husband to stay away. BUT, we still have to try, if only in tiny little ways.
I hear celebrities say things like, “divorce is not an option!” All whilst fighting off reports of infidelity or abuse. My motto is “divorce is always an option” so I better make sure that I let my husband know how much I love him. That he is special to me and even after 11 years, I’m still happy to be with him. And hopefully he’ll do the same for me.
Now, i’m certainly not encouraging anyone to jump ship at the first sign of waves. There are always going to be rough patches. We had one that lasted 2 years. It was tough, and there were times I wondered if we’d make it. Did divorce enter my mind? Yes it did, but to be honest, the idea that divorce was a possibility, that I wasn’t ‘stuck’, actually helped me through it. If I know that I don’ t HAVE to stay, it makes it easier TO stay. I have a choice. We always have a choice. So I choose to work hard and work through the rough times. Will it always be that way? I don’t know. So far so good! But I’m just taking it one year at a time.

My newest routine to All About That Bass. Love this song and it’s message!

New Arianna Grande “Problem”

Hey Ya’ll, my last song was removed from youtube so let’s see if this one stays!!

Newest Routine: “Classic” By MKTO

I think I forgot to post this one, but it’s my new favorite! Easy enough Choreo but still challenging!

And we’re rollin….

Big changes yet again! We finally found our own space! I’ll be teaching my Dance Fitness classes in the same studio we teach our Aerial classes! It’s a gorgeous warehouse with high ceilings and a rockin sound system. So come on over and try a free class on me. The address is 151 Kalmus Dr #J-7 Costa Mesa, CA 92626. (Inside Dance Asylum) Hope to see you soon!!photo


9:11       12 years ago I was living in New York City. That was my address. But at the moment the towers went down, I was on tour with Kiss Me Kate. I sat watching TV as everyone else did, feeling incredibly helpless. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to be back “home” in NY….to count the heads of all my friends. What actor hasn’t “tempted” inside the Towers at some point in their career? Not being able to get through the bogged down phone lines was torture. The show was cancelled that night and rightfully so. When we finally got back in the theater the next night, it felt wrong to me. How could we possibly put on a happy show? Sing happy songs in such a time of sorrow? I felt like my job was, quite frankly, dumb. But we did it. We put on a show. We pasted smiles on our faces and performed for a crowd of about 300 in a theater that sat 2,000. I even thought, “Who are these people? Who would come and see a show at a time like this?” At the end of the show Rex Smith, our lead, asked everyone to sing God Bless America. The backstage crew came out, and we all held hands and sang. I looked around and saw the pain in everyones eyes. The cast was crying, the crew was crying and the audience was crying. We were all hurting… together. At that moment I felt such a bond with this group of complete strangers in the audience. With tears streaming down their face, they stood and applauded us for what felt like 10 minutes. I realized then, that what we do as actors is not stupid. We provide a gift. These people had showed up to forget. To take their minds off the horrible things that were happening in the world. To have a respite, if only for a few hours. After that show, letters came to the stage door thanking us for helping them get through those tough days. I saved many of them, to remind myself that we ALL, no matter how big or small, make a difference. God Bless America.

Road to “Chicago” – Lost and Found

1025402_10202004274413587_548662266_oRoad to “Chicago” – Lost and Found

My road to Chicago is at an end, and it has been a fabulous ride! I have gotten more out of this than I can possibly explain in words, but I will do my best. This road actually started 10 years ago. The day I became a Mother was of course the best day of my life. But there was a massive change in my actual being. As an actor, we are by nature selfish, we have to be. We ARE the product we are selling, which is why we bore you to death with our resume or how fabulous we were in our last job. It’s the equivalent of you talking Insurance, Computers or what ever vocation you have chosen. But once you bring a child into this world, life ceases being about you. Everything, from a burp to a smile becomes about your baby, and rightfully so. It was a change I was happy to make. Because the whole time I’m thinking in the back of my head that of course I’ll go back to performing. I just have to wait till the baby is a little older. And then they’re 3 and a second one comes along and again, I’m happy to wait. The shift happens gradually. You exchange your 3’ heels for flip flops. You go from ‘full beat’ makeup, to being happy if you put on chapstick. You go from dressing to the Nines, to….. well, just dressing. You exchange late nights and ‘show folks’ for suburbia and really nice ‘normal’ people. Juliet Fischer was slowly packed away, and Juliet Schulein aka, Jackson and Cole’s mom became my identity. And I like her, I do! But it was like trying to fit in to a world of Penguins when your really a Peacock. I did my best to tone down and keep my feathers hidden. I didn’t always succeed, but I did pretty good. And then one day you look up and 10 years has gone by. The ‘comeback’ didn’t come.

Enter crazy, good friends here. Peacocks in hiding like me, who found me by taking my dance class! We supported and encouraged each other, and the next thing I know, I’m at an audition for Chicago! Unfortunately the story doesn’t end here, because I tank at the audition. Let’s be honest, it’s been a few years, so I’m not sure what I was thinking was going to happen. What did happen was I couldn’t sing it. I tried so hard, but I cracked every time I went to hit the high note. It was at that moment that I saw how much I had given up and how far I had fallen. While my family is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I had let my other love go. I cried for days. It was like I was grieving the death of the old me. But slowly, I realized she wasn’t gone, just packed away somewhere. So I pulled her out, dusted her off and got to singing. Everyday. For Months. I closed up all the windows in the house so the neighbors wouldn’t kill me, and sang my face off. Then, 2 months later, I saw another audition for Chicago. Same director and choreographer. (Ron Kellum and Randy Slovacek) All I had to do was sing for the Artistic Director. (!) Well I’m happy to tell you, I marched in and sang the shit out of that song! I have never been more happy about an audition in my life. It was the resurrection of Juliet! I didn’t even care if I got the job at that point. (but I did!) Doing the show again has been one of the highlights of my career. For so many reasons: the cast and crew were amazing, and my costume rocked and I actually looked good in it! And I got to be with “My People” again!! A room full of fabulous Peacocks! One more beautiful than the next!! But mostly, because I never thought I’d be here again. So thank you for following me on this awesome, awesome journey. Juliet Fischer is alive and well. But from now on, my ‘stage’ name will be Juliet Fischer-Schulein because we both deserve the recognition.

Spilled Milk

J Fit Dance Fitness liked this post

Don’t cry over spilled milk!” I tell my children this all the time. When something doesnt go your way, take a deep breath and just deal with it. There’s nothing you can do about it, so stop your whining and move on!  Yeah……waaay easier  said than done. We started rehearsals today and things didn’t go my way, and I’m crying over spilled milk. We found out what roles we got, and I didn’t get the one I want, and I’m pouting. But let me be more specific, there are 6 girls in the ensemble. I’d be happy with anyone of them, EXCEPT one. Can you guess which one I got? Her name is Kitty. “Go to Hell Kitty” to be exact. There’s nothing really wrong with her character, it’s just that she’s not in Cell Block Tango which is only the best freakin’ part of the show! Instead I have to sit backstage and watch the other girls doing what I want to be doing. So I’m having a mental tantrum. I’m trying hard not to show it, but dang it! This is the first big show I’ve taken since having my kids. 9 years I’ve been waiting. I was SO excited to come here but the whole time I kept thinking, ” just please don’t give me Kitty, anyone but Kitty!” I know, I know! I should be thankful to even have this job, and I am! I really am! But right now I’m just bummed. I want to throw myself on the floor and bang my hands and feet like a 2 year old! There! I said it! Ppppppplllllllllll! I’m going to give myself one whole day to have a pity party for myself. And then tomorrow I’m going to put on my big girl pants and figure out a way to rock the SHIT out of Kitty! I’m sorry, I meant GO TO HELL Kitty!

Road to “Chicago” – Summer Camp

Screen shot 2011-03-07 at 9.41.23 PMRoad to “Chicago” – Summer Camp

So this road has a few more “bumps” in it than I thought. I’m still doing OK on my “must look really really hot” diet. Last week was a little rough as we went to a Family Camp up in Pinecrest. It was super fun, really dirty, and an overall great family time. The food was served family style, which I’m so NOT complaining about. Mostly cause any time I don’t have to cook, is a great time! BUT, it also means you get what ya get, and you don’t throw a fit. So it wasn’t always the healthiest of choices for me. I will say, that I made it the whole week without haveing a single smore!! (if you knew me, you’d know that that’s a reeeeally big deal.) I did 2 half hour Yoga classes, and after many people asked for it, I taught 1 Dance Fitness class. And let me tell ya, Dance Fitness at 7,000 feet is slightly different than sea level. I was ready to pass out after the warm up! But all in all, it was a good week. Now I’m home and back on the eating schedule that I can control. I have 10 more days till I leave for Sacramento, so I think I’ll be in good shape! That and the fact that I’m more than willing to maim, scratch and draw blood for one of the one piece costumes.

The “bump” in the road was not one I was expecting. This summer came racing at me. I did the best I could and organized the boys summer camps, so that no one would be bored. Cole had Robotics, Chess and Cooking camps. Jackson had Video Making, Tennis and Camp River Way. Camp River Way is a sleep away camp. My husband and I thought this would be a good year for our oldest to try it. He’s an awesome kid, but very codependent on me. What can I say, he was my first born and I coddled him to a fault. But now we were going to fix it! Let him be on his own for 2 weeks! Make new friends! Have adventures! Learn to tie his own shoes!! It all sounded great 6 months ago. But now the time is here, and it sucks. He left 3 days ago and I’m lost. I thought he was the codependent one, but maybe it’s me? I feel like a car with 3 wheels. But here’s the worst part….ready? I leave for Sacramento 2 days before he gets back. So I won’t see him until he comes to visit me there. That’s 4 WEEKS I won’t see my boy! I know i know, there’s Facetime, and Skype and blah blah blah, but I won’t hug his little body for 4 WEEKS!!

I’m so torn. I’m one part excited about performing in a show, actually doing something just for myself, my own sleep away camp if you will. And one part saddened that I can’t have my family with me. In my industry, the entertainment industry, the jobs don’t come to you. You have to go to the jobs. So how do I do that and still feel like a good mother? A good wife? I feel like either way, someone’s getting short changed. Hence, the “bump”. More like a big fat pothole. I know I need to stop worrying…..My husband keeps telling me “we’ll all be fine”, but honestly, I don’t like that either. I don’t want to be ‘fine’ without each other. But maybe this is what we need. What we all need. To be less codependent, to have our own adventures, make new friends….. Adult Sleep Away Camps? I don’t know….I’m going to try to listen to my own advice. When my son left I told him not to waste this time being sad. Enjoy the time away from us to learn more about himself. Take every new adventure thrown at you and make the most of it! Have fun and know that he and I will have the whole rest of the year together! So I’m going to do it. Make the most of my time away, and not feel guilty. (try!)  And maybe…..just maybe….I’ll come back knowing how to tie my own shoes.

Road to Chicago…Pizza

Ok, so with all journeys there are going to be bumps in the road, right? I’m supposed to be getting in the best shape of my life, BUT I forgot about Hell week. For me Hell week is when my youngest sons birthday falls on the last week of school. So take aaaall those end of year parties and add my little ones birthday celebrations, (plural because we must celebrate in class, at a “real” party, and then with the immediate family). Then 3 days later it’s my husbands birthday, then 8 days after that, we do the same multiple parties for my older sons on July 3rd!! SO this weekend had pizza, ice cream cake, burgers, brownies and milk shakes to name a few. And that was just Cole’s birthday. And if you think I’m strong enough to say “no” to all of that then you really don’t know me. I’m great at eating healthy as long as I keep the healthy food in the house. But put something chocolatey and gooey in front of me and will power goes out the window! SO! I now have 7 weeks till “Chicago” rehearsals start. I still have 2 birthday’s to get through and a whole lot of summer “fun” with the kids to tempt my inner chocoholic! Zumba and Silks are keeping me in check, but the thought of the bra and panties costume is haunting me! Tonight my husband made salmon with brown rice and broccoli which was delish! Here’s to no more pot holes!